I just got some disturbing news and thought I'd share it with all of you because alot of us here in Iraq have to deal with things like this. My girlfriend of two years Emailed and said a "freind" of hers asked her to go see the movie "Jarhead" because after hearing how serious our relationship now was he, aka Jodie, felt she should know what happens to men in a war. It was important for her to see how I would be changed by the horrors of war and would no longer be the person she is in love with. I haven't had but one call with her since then but know she won't believe what people tell her. We care very much for each other and I tried to explain that any opinions people that haven't been here might have are just that, opinions. By the way "Jodie" is the name most service members have given to the person that will try to destroy a relationship of a military person while they are away. I'll say more about "Jodie" some other time suffice it to say "Jodie" is not a friend to any military family. It is very difficult for those of us here to hear such distructive comments being made and not being in a posostion to counter such rubbish.

I have also been told that many people are forming opinions of us based on the series "Over there", again not true. I will say this, people that have been here probably do change in the long run and, I think for the most part, for the better. I will explain this by getting up on my soapbox and giving this quote, "For those that have fought for it Freedom has a flavor the sheltered will never know". I will speak for myself when I say that being taken from everything you love and care about, having your everyday normal existance end, coming together on Thanksgiving and being grateful just to be alive, wondering each and everyday if I will ever see the woman I love and the friends and family that are so dear to me ever again, thinking about planning my own funeral and seeing the suffering of a nation eased by the presence of American men and women in unifrom yes, I have changed. I want to believe I will be forever humbled by having had the honor of serving with such incredable people. I know that a sunset on the beach will mean so much more and I have been shown somethong that millions in America to include "Jodie" will only wonder about and watch movies based on profit making and then believe they have a right, if not moral obligation, to pass judgement on those of us currently "Overthere".

I can tell of one person I met just ays ago here on FOB O'Ryan. I had just come off a patrol an stopped by the fuel point to refuel my vehicle and met a female soldier of about twenty years of age, she was in charge of the fuel point. We began talking and I learned she has only been in Iraq since mid November and has a year to go. I tried to give her some pointers and put her mind at ease. I also told her to not take things for granted, by that I meant to never let her guard down "Outside the wire". And she responded by saying "Hey Sarge, so long as I've got a half a pack of smokes, a hot meal, hot shower and someone to talked to I'm fine, life can't get much better".

This young woman will be different when she gets home but will not be the worse for it but a much more humble and caring person, at least that's my impression. I also think that the Iraqi soldiers we have been working with will be changed also for the better. It is just sad that such closed minded people are giving such negative ideas about those of us here and what we are accomplishing everyday. The real pay off for most of us has been in the eyes of thousands and thousands of Iraqi children that will some day be able to go to a polling place and vote as they wish in complete safety. We are doing fantastic things here everyday it just doesn't sell like negative news.

Our time here is getting very close to ending and we are all very much ready to go home. The past couple of weeks have been rather busy and this is not what I had expected for November. My absence from this blog site is proof enough. As I stated before, anytime there are casualties, dead or severly wounded, we lose our access to outside communication until the "next of kin" have been notified. The third brigade of the 101st ABN lost five men last week, at least that's what I heard on CNN. The only proof I have is we were cut off from the outside world for a solid week. The press finds out the casuality information before we do and yet, we are seen as the immediate threat to privacy.

I also saw on the "Penagon" channel the Iraqi Army base I have been working on is one of the few "Certified" ready units in Iraq, that would be FOB Vangaurd or as the Iraqis call it Mawntini. I will be making alot more entries as soon as we leave FOB O'Ryan for the relative safety of LSA Anaconda. I really have felt very much "Under the gun" as far as being truthful on this site, perhaps blunt is a better word, simply because I have been warned that everything I say is being reviewed. The Army will publicly say they want us to express ourselves and have given guidlines as to what's acceptable, don't compromise Army operations, but also make it painfully obvious that being critcal of leadership is not welcome, and we all know how difficult life can be if someone that has complete control over another person dicides to make it so.

Case in point, we are preparing for another holiday "Thanksgiving" and just like back in July when some person decided to roast a pig in a Muslim country and force Muslims to take part in the "Hawaiin Luow" we are once again being forced to do the same thing for this Thursday. What this tells me and most all of the other soldiers is that this person doing this has no idea or concern what we want. I know this because every soldier I've talked to is upset that we just simply can't be left alone for one single day and call our loved one, enjoy some turkey and gravy, watch some football and sleep. Instead we have to clean and set up an entertainment area for the "Hula" dancers, which are being forced to give up their Thanksgiving on the LSA and put on this show. It would have been the descent and honorable thing to do to simply ask the soldiers, "what can we do for you soldiers on Thanksgiving?". If the true intent was to show apreciation for men that are risking their lives for their country and families, this would have been done. It simply is not the case, this is but one more oppurtunity for someone, that will soon be named, to set the focus on themselves and use us to do it. We all know this because this person has assembled a VIP list of guests that we soldiers couldn't care less about, we miss our families dearly and want to be with them. As usual someone will show up to take pictures and there will be alot of handshaking and back patting going on and a story will be publiched given someone credit for caring, but the truth is we are all dreading it just as we did on the fourth of July.

I was talking to some of our Muslim friends and they are all still very insulted by what we allowed to happen to them that day, and all to serve one mans ego and ignorance. It is critical that people at the top of the chain understand their soldiers and it is too obvious this person doesn't have a clue. What should be a day of rest and reflection will bw a day of work details and disengenuise speeches fill with rhetoric. We just want to be left alone and give thanks for having made it this far.

As far as current events the guys from Tennesse and Wisconsin are long gone and we miss them but are happy for their safe return. The new guys on the block are still getting their feet wet but should do OK. It's getting down to the low fifties and feels great. That's all for now just pay real close attention for alot of entries in a few more weeks.

I was able to attend the most recent memorial service for two more fallen soldiers from my batallion the 100th of the 442D. The two men were from the island of Saipan and had worked for most of the time at an Iraqi base call Mawntini or "My country" in english. I often times and still do work with the soldiers of the Iraqi fourth batallion that are stationed there.I will not mention the names of the fallen at this time since they were alive less than two weeks ago and it's not my place to do so, it's too soon.

The service itself was comforting to see, thousands of soldiers were there to pay their respects. The eulogies were well spoken and carefully presented. One of the saddest things to see at these memorials is the "Roll call", during the roll call several soldiers names are called out and they respond loudly, almost shouting, "Here First Seargeant, Go for Broke!". After a few members of the unit have been called out the names of the fallen soldiers are called out, three times with no response, no other names follow, only silence. The fallen are gone forever and will never be expected to make formation, at this point "Taps" is played and a salute is rendered. Every single soldier there had the honour of saluting the pictures of the fallen one last time. As a whole it is a fitting and beautiful goodbye.

I can not close this entry without sharing my most deep regret. In remembering the fallen at the memorial I kept remembering something many of us had said without really thinking. The job these men had for the first eight months in Iraq never really required them to go "Outside the Wire" and we often times were critical of those that stayed in the wire. We would feel that we were more deserving of recognition simply because we basically lived outside the wire daily, more exposure to danger, we felt, entitled us to some sort of bragging rights.

The fact of the matter is that the men of FOB Mauntini were just as ready as any other unit in Iraq to go into harms way and we are all entitled the same recognition. The two heroes did not for a split second hesitate to pick up their rifles and search for the enemy and as a result have paid the ultimate price for the freedom that millions enjoy. It is everyone here that matters and there ought not be a self imposed "pecking order". Still we are what we are, human, and therefore fallable.

I will forever regret being so critical of those that never leave the wire, they are just as prepared as I to "pay the price" and maybe I will be a better man because of it.

It has been a very difficult retrun to Iraq and things are still very dangerous. As I mentioned in my most recent entry I learned at the Dallas airport three men had been killed near here in the area of Balad. I was somewhat relieved to learn that the fallen were not from my unit. However the second day of my return two of the men in my unit were kileed in action. i remember talking to one of these men about getting some good mexican food during our training in Texas, he and I are both of Mexican decent. I also remember that he was here in 1991 and had earned his CIB ( Combat Infanty Badge ) he was home from active duty only six months when he was once again called to serve his country in a combat zone, I felt he'd earned the right to stay out of this one. For various reasons other then the obvious I felt and still feel angry over his loss. I truley wish I could say more about this but can't, maybe when I am home safe and out of the military I will.

I can remember almost boasting about being home on R&R during the very difficult and dangerous time of Ramadan and the elections, it's almost shameful because of the loss of life that happened while I was away from my post. It was an immediate reaction and everyone is entitled R&R and I am just telling it like it is. One can't help but feeling a little guilt.

I also learned that one of the guys from Tennesee was killed on the 13th of October just one week before he was scheduled to go home to his loved ones. He was on his last mission in support of the Iraqi elections and I'm told he was killed going to the aid of a wounded American, his picture now hangs in the gym with the other heroes of FOB O'Ryan. His name was "Tucker" and his was only a teenager.

After talking with fellow soldiers from around Iraq and realizing how common our experience here has been I find myself becoming more and more resentful at the steady loss of such wonderful people. And at the same time we all still believe that this will all come to pass and the world will be a much better place because of men like "Tucker".

It has been difficult to keep up my entries and should soon be back to semi regular entries as I've stated earlier whenever there are serious injuries or loss of life communication with the outside world ceases pending notification of loved ones. And we haven't had alot of outside communication lately. The coming rain and cold will make things safer for a short time.

We are all looking foward to getting on that freedom bird as soon as possible but there is still so much left to do. Every dog has his day and soon I hope to have mine.