It has been a while since I was in middle school (Balboa in Ventura Unified) and do not have any children in middle school. I do remember being in the situation as the above mentioned boy. I was picked upon, partly because of the middle school mentality and partly because I was a pain in the rump to others. I will say that Lane Jackson is a Godsend who helped me with so much of the bullying toward me and my actions to instigate bullying.

Anyway, teachers often did not see the things that would happen because they were often not done in the classroom. Instead, much goes on in the hallways during the 5-6 minute passing periods, where hundreds or thousands of students pass through at once.

An interesting note to the above parent is that she says, "I didn't ask the school to intervene, as we all know how well that goes over with the kids you don't get along with." This parent seems to be implying that if a student goes to the teachers/administrators, the bullies just feed off of the squealing. So it is a catch 22 situation. The student can tell an administrator and risk that he/she will be bullied more, or the student can do nothing (but then what right do they have to complain if they do not tell anyone).

One last thing is that because so much of the bullying goes on in the halls (name calling, pushing, etc) where it is noisy and crowded, it does often go unseen. Is it really fair to have a student get in trouble if it is not directly seen/heard by an adult?

Middle school is a difficult situation by all. I unfortunately do not have the answers, I can only share my experiences and thoughts.

Schools are too big, have too many kids. There are far too many opportunities for kids to fall thru the cracks. It’s too easy to stay below the radar, on purpose. Counselors lament the fact that they only get to spend a few minutes a couple of times per year with the students. This seems to be especially true in high school, so the parents assume the burden of college counselor, a job that requires a great degree of expertise to do well.

Jerre:

I am coming up on my ten year reunion this summer. Ten years ago I had two meetings a year with my counselor on my college track. I remember my sophmore year writing down my top five choices of colleges and looking at the classes that were needed and getting familiar with the SAT testing dates. By the way, after two great years at moorpark college, I got my first choice.

No one forced me to make the appointments, I wanted to do it and I went to the counseling office and set an appointment. And yes, sometimes I'd have to wait a month or two to get in. Preserverence can pay dividends.

I recently spoke with my counselor. She said a lot has changed almost ominously meaning their is a lot more rigidity in the counseling offices and more paperwork per counselor. I've never known more regulations and standard operating procedures to make us more efficent... Have you?

I find it strange that we have more access to information today than when I was in school, yet students can't figure out what they need to do to get into college. I know you can email UCLA and they will send you their requirements within a week. I had to write letters ten years ago and I'd get requirements in a month or two.

I would support the district looking to Moorpark, CSUN, CLU, and Channel Islands to have their college counselor visitations with freshman through seniors to discuss what these kids need to really do to get ready for college.

Sometimes a quick seminar can really change minds and force students to ask tough questions. If we are just asking counselors to babysit these students to getting into colleges, then of course we are really not preparing students for college life now are we?

A bigger question for this blog is whether Self-reliance dead?

When my mother and grandmother were in high school they were told they couldn't go to college, yet they did.

My grandmother graduated from San Francisco State in the 1930's. Each morning she would take the ferry from Oakland to San Francisco to get to school. Then, she would work into the evenings as a nanny in San Francisco and catch the last ferry back to Oakland. She did this for four years and got her degree. She wanted to become a teacher and became a teacher.

My grandfather used to drive from Tucson to Nogales to work at a dog track nights and weekends on top of his normal job to get my mother and my aunt through college at the University of Arizona back in the 60's. My mother worked at a pharmacy to afford books and as a babysitter nights. She told me that while she was a babysitter, she was told by the mother she worked for that she could never get through school.

When she graduated from college she made sure to bring over her diploma, so that mother could eat some crow.

I think the missing ingredient in our culture is the concept that students need to begin to start figuring out what it's going to take to get into college by the time they are at least juniors. What is sad, is the scapegoating of counselors because someone didn't get into college.

Maybe, they should start showing that movie "Rudy" in school. That kid got turned down by Notre Dame four or five times before he got in. He worked and worked and worked and worked... He finally got in. Then, he tried out for the best football team in the land and got on that despite being 5-10 170... It's called determination and preserverence....

I fear that our current cultural trend for instant gratification is undermining the real issue with college entry. And that issue is this, "If it is to be, it's up to me."

Scott