President Bush held another news conference this morning. Listening to him continually remind the questioners that it is his job to be president and to make decisions and watching him trying to evade giving any substantive answers on the issues, it occurred to me: What if those who write opinion pieces had to hold news conferences from time to time?

Q: Thank you, Mr. Opinionated. Many people say you haven't been fair and balanced in your essays. Don't you think you should be?

A: That was slyly asked. Fox News, right? Let me tell you, I'm a opinion writer. That's what opinion writers do; they write opinions. And I like writing opinion because, well, I am an opinion writer.

Q: What are some of the opinions you'd like to opine on but haven't yet?

A: I'm glad you asked that because there are a lot of opinions out there and that's a good thing because there are a lot of opinion writers. And I think there should be enough opinions to let all those writers have an opinion to write about. Now, if there weren't that many opinions out, then we'd have a crisis in opinion writing because, well, quite frankly, you can't write opinion without an opinion.

Q: You've been fairly, or as some have said unfairly, critical of the president and his administration. Does this bother you?

A: In this job you've got a lot of opinions on your mind on a regular basis. You don't have much time to sit around, well you're not jogging when writing, but you don't just sit there or wander around the office, asking the walls, how do you think my opinions will be received? I've got a lot of opinions to consider. And I like to make opinions, and I make a lot of them.

Q. As an opinion writer ...

A. I am.

Q. Do you get a sense that too much opinion gets in the way of facts?

A. Good question. Next.

Q. Why do you write opinion?

A. It's important to have an opinion that counteracts some of the opinions that counteract the opinions that counteract an original opinion. Was that enough counteracts? I'm a journalist not a math major. On that note — well I'm not a music major either — I feel another opinion coming on, so thank you all for coming and giving me a chance to visit with you.