I just found out that bedbugs are real, live, actual creatures. They are, to be exact, "wingless insects with flat, reddish bodies that infest bedding and feed on human blood."

So all those times your parents tucked you in and said, "Don't let the bedbugs bite," it was an actual hazard!

Give me a moment to rethink my childhood.

Okay. Bedbugs are real. But what about the boogie man and the monster under the bed? Will I stumble on them in the dictionary? One summer I cried so much about noises under the bed that my dad sawed off the legs altogether (of the bed, not the monster).

I can still see his face as my dad turned off the lights ... "Don't let the bedbugs bite."

Okay, pop. And you don't let the serial killers rip through the screen door downstairs.