Online I met a woman named PishPosh. She's 32 years old and will provide more information on a need-to-know basis.

PishPosh invited me to a play in the woods. A play in the woods?! A play in the woods. I agreed because it would have hurt not to know.

At a trailhead off of Mulholland, I met PishPosh and her German friend Turin, and together we huffed and puffed into the mountains where they filmed MASH. Slimy with sweat and bug spray, we arrived at the theater -- a rusty ol' abandoned water tower.

A rusty ol' abandoned water tower?! A rusty ol' abandoned water tower.

We crawled through a two-by-four hole and found inside more slimy people and lots of musical instruments. It was Woodstock in a box. A dirty man named Danny would be performing his one-act, a satire so dry that I couldn't tell if he was liberal or conservative. Sometimes you go so far left that it becomes right again.

Any time Danny wanted to make a large, scary sound -- to represent, say, oppression -- he just launched a broomstick at the wall and BOOOOMMMMM. Rust fell from the sky like pixie dust.

Which directed my attention to an important discovery: the location of Batman's secret lair. We were sitting in it! As you see in the picture, the Bat Signal was carved out of this tower, where they must bring the spotlight.

Jittery with excitement, I turned to PishPosh, who seemed unimpressed. I think her exact words where, "Shhhh."

At the end of the play, Danny delivered a monologue that made no sense in a very convincing manner. The man could run for office. Everyone agreed with yes-sir's and amens. I just hoped they wouldn't be serving Kool-Aid. I could just see this guy throw his broom at the wall and yell, "Heeey! Kool-Aid!"

I haven't yet confirmed the Bat Signal theory, but I plan to return on a foggy night (Batman is called only on foggy nights). PishPosh won't go with me or otherwise return my emails. I'm thinking she works for Batman.