These days it's trendy to have ADD. So many people caught ADD that now there's ADHD, which, of course, requires extra medication.

My dad has ADHTVD: Attention deficit hyperactivity television disorder. How else can he explain watching simultaneously two baseball games, a reality show, Deal or No Deal, and The Shopping Channel WHILE THE RADIO PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND.

My dad is obsessed with technology. His entertainment room looks like the award segment on Wheel of Fortune.

"And here we have the 48-inch Panasonic plasma TV with LCD and a DLP for your HD and DVDs and MLB."

MLB is, in fact, responsible for my dad's condition. MLB.com encourages him to watch baseball on his laptop, which he routed to a big-screen TV. When one game goes to commercial, he just double-clicks another. Who are all these people attending daytime baseball games anyway? Doesn't anybody work?

I'm waiting for someone to pull the chord from my dad's skull and let him twitch on the ground like a live wire, free, finally free, from the Matrix.

When you add HD, MLB, and OCD, my dad's condition becomes ADHHDTVMLBDOCD, for which you need a lot of medication.

Nowadays I visit my dad only during the baseball off-season, once the Yankees lose the World Series, so that he and I can have quiet family time ... watching movies. My dad has a 50-foot movie screen with Surround Sound tweeters and woofers. Seriously. He's gone Elvis-Presley-level nuts.

Maybe Dad is making up for all those years he had to work while others attended daytime baseball games. I just hope Neo is looking after him.