Does anyone else use the self-checkout lane at the grocery store? Do you ever let an item slip by as payment for the work you're doing? Nothing big -- just a pack of gum. My conscience seems to be okay with that. My conscience believes that bagging groceries and tallying the bill should be included in the purchase price. How did that job fall on the customer? They might as well hand you a mop. "Hey, while you're at it, would you mind cleaning up that spill on aisle 12?"

My grandpa was such an alcoholic that we didn't even realize it until the day he came over sober.

"Heeey. What happened to your speech impediment? ... And what is that smell? Is that soap?!"