A night at the Gridiron
A guest entry from Ventura County Star Editor and President Tim Gallagher.
WASHINGTON -- It would help if they passed out Vaseline at the door of the Gridiron Show. Beauty pageant contestants ease the pain caused by non-stop smiling by smearing Vaseline on their teeth. When you attend the Gridiron Show put on by the Washington Press Club, you are going to smile and laugh so hard, your lips and cheeks will hurt by the end of the night.
I was fortunate to be invited to the 119th incarnation of this four-hour show Saturday night. The skits are interrupted only by a five-course gourmet meal. (How gourmet? Well, Kobe beef is served as an appetizer atop custard. Don’t knock it until you try it.)
Now I can’t tell you about the skits because the entire evening is "off the record." How you can be "off the record" with a roomful of politicians and journalists is truly one of the world’s great mysteries, but everyone seems to honor the code of silence and I will not be the one to break it. Sufficed to say that no one is safe. The likely targets – including politicians and famous members of the media – spend the day soaking in pickle brine because they need a thick skin to survive the night.
Favorite targets included the president and his intellect, the president and his "intelligence," duck hunting trips by Vice President Dick Cheney (in attendance) and Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia (not in attendance), and the presidential aspirations of Howard Dean, Hillary Clinton, and Rudy Guiliani.
President George W. Bush did not attend the show because he was meeting in Texas with Mexican President Vicente Fox. That was the reason given. The popular rumor is that he skipped the show in order to snub Al Hunt, Press Club president this year. As Washington bureau chief for the Wall Street Journal, Hunt is a frequent critic of President Bush and did not care much for his father either. Come to think of it, Hunt might be the only WSJ critic of the White House.
The members of the press club take turns roasting Democrats and Republicans in popular songs, with the lyrics changed to fit the moment. (OK, one small off-the-record moment. A Dick Cheney lookalie in hunting gear singing "Scalia, I just went duck hunting with Scalia" to the tune of "Maria" from "West Side Story.")
The roof nearly fell in when Dean appeared in one skit as himself and closed the song by recreating the scream he made famous after his loss in the Iowa primary. Dean appears to be a good sport about the whole thing. He sat directly across from me for most of the evening and howled at the jokes focused on his riches-to-rags campaign story.
During a break in the show, I was walking behind New York Times Publisher Arthur Sulzberger and Times columnist Maureen Dowd . Cheney is one of the tart-tongued Dowd's favorite targets. I remarked to Sulzberger that he ought to be careful because at that moment, he was in between Cheney and Dowd and I was not sure if Cheney still carried his duck-hunting rifles. Dowd nodded and laughed and Sulzberger quickly replied that he could not think of anyone he'd rather be with than Dowd if shots were fired.
The politicians get even with a response by each party. Sen. Clinton spoke for the Democrats and Mayor Guiliani for the Republicans. As they are widely rumored to be presidential contenders in 2008, they skewered each other as well as their parties.
Vice President Cheney got the final word in with his own press conference – both asking and answering the questions about duck hunting, WMDs and his health.
He closed with another of the night’s many tributes to American servicemen and women. For me, the night’s throat-choking moment came when the U.S. Marine Corps band played a medley of "theme" songs from our branches of the military and audience members who had served in that branch stood and were recognized.
On Sunday morning I took a walk with my friend, John Temple, editor and publisher of the Rocky Mountain News in Denver. He remarked that the Gridiron Show is the epitome of a civilized society. It is one in which we can have serious disagreements about policies, but still get together for socialization and humor.
I agree and I’d add a final thought. Compare the United State of America to, let’s say, Haiti. In this country, we solve our differences through compromise and election because we share a common belief and set of values. In too many nations, there is no hope of such a decision. The only method of changing the government is violent overthrow.
The Gridiron Show reminds us that we can solve our differences through debate and not violence.
