I've already spent time on my wife's language flubs -- column and standup -- so we'll just say that she started speaking English when her Spanish was only half-installed and neither language seemed to profit.

Yesterday my wife and I were talking about what we'll do with our winnings when we definitely and without doubt win the lottery this weekend. Yahaira said that she wanted to help the people of Utopia.

I tilted my head like the RCA dog.

"You know ... that place where everyone is starving."

"You mean Ethiopia!"

Normally I try not to laugh, but this one hit me from the side. I laughed and laughed until my wife closed my mouth manually. With her fingernails.

"You know what I meant," she said. "Isn't that what counts?"

"In a perfect world, Love. In a perfect world."