On the totem pole of life, advertisers fall somewhere between the bedbugs and the serial killers. Consumer psychologists study the psyche not to assist the growth of human beings but to exploit them for commercial profit.

It didn't surprise me, then, to find advertisements crammed into textbooks at our local college. The ads weren't pitching part-time employment or affordable housing; they were selling acne meds!

Is your face oozing with pus from your repulsive hormonal imbalance? Scared to death that others secretly hate you? Then try Proactiv, the most expensive rubbing alcohol on earth!

Come to think of it, totem poles start beneath the dirt, which is why we never see advertisers.