At the gym I found a man who had tattooed onto his head the following public service announcement: "Trust No B*!tch." At great personal risk, I tried to snap a photo, but he was rushing to jump on his Harley and go injure things.

Normally it's my pleasure to approach the Carnival People, but this man had different-colored eyes, which has always said to me, "spawn of Satan." David Bowie: spawn of Satan.

I had already seen the "Trust no B$*tch" bumper sticker (The Shopping Channel?), but this was the first person committed enough to burn the message into his scalp. Can you imagine this guy's shrink: "Let's start with your mother..."

Maybe I'm being unfair. Maybe this poor fella has, in truth, heroically survived the attack of a vicious female dog and hence the tattoo. Maybe it was a Siberian husky with different-colored eyes.

Only his therapist will know for sure. I mean, assuming his therapist is male.